[He stays near, feet are tempted to keep going but staying in her orbit is what he really wants. Especially after the time spent in silence, just wondering.]
I feel that. You think you know yourself and the world, shit keeps changing.
[ There's a soft 'yeah' in agreeance with his first statement. That's pretty much exactly how it's felt. Her feet feel so heavy right now, it's hard to make them move any faster. ]
There's nothing left for me there. They made sure I knew that...
[ She lets the words sink in before squeezing his hand. Quietly, ]
Thank you.
[ It's only something she's heard from Colleen and Misty so far, not having really told anyone else about it. It was... genuinely comforting to hear it from someone like Frank. Someone that she had written off completely and was so sure he would never understand let alone know about what happened. ]
[Getting out and into the world, going to school and working on making a life for herself. Regardless of where they go from here, what they do, Frank's concern and care for her is real.]
[His head tilts and his brow furrows as they walk straight ahead. The only thing that comes to mind is flat out murder and kidnapping that doesn't deserve forgiveness and mercy. That he'll keep to himself.]
...I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you don't deserve to suffer.
[ She only gives weak smile at that. It's kind of him, it is. But the truth is: ]
You don't know the whole story.
[ And even more than that, she's not sure she can tell it all. Saying it all out loud has never been easy and there's the irrational fear that if she does, everything will fall apart and she will fall with it. ]
[His place. The apartment complex is not exactly a brownstone. Still well kept. He leads Karen up the steps and punches in the keycode to unlock the door to the small lobby.]
[ She doesn't say anything in response to that, just follows where he leads. She doesn't want him to know, even know. Her shame and fear combining to make her feel he would just pull away if she admitted what happened.
Guilt is so insidious like that. She only marginally realizes how much it has warped her thinking of herself and of how Frank will react to it.
Karen remains silent as they enter the lobby, eyes going from the building to the floor to looking back up again. Different from hers but not in a bad way. ]
[ She nods, affirming that yes he looks tired. But if he's training for the Marines, she can't imagine that's easy. Combine it with school and she feels for him. Burning the candle at both ends rarely ends well.
Going along with the pull, ]
What are you a guy for? You can't train all the time.
[They're both looking and feeling pretty beat. Though he's sure he couldn't pull it off the way she does.]
...I'm afraid to admit that I'm not terribly complicated. What you see is what you get. No hidden agenda. Not much of anything, Karen. Just--[he breathes in for a sigh, grasping for words. When you recite poems or prose it's easy to borrow. Nothing he can think of works here.] I dunno. Trying.
[ She feels more like a single thread than a loose end. But she remembers what it was like to feel the same way. Or like something was torn at the other end.
She moves forward and closes the distance to use her free arm to wrap around him, pull him into a hug. It's the least she can do after what he did for her earlier. ]
But that doesn't mean there isn't much there. It's just... still forming.
[It's hard to admit. That he's come this far in life and still not feeling complete. Karen's moved across the country and has full agency of herself. That's another level too.
Her embrace catches him a little by surprise and he returns the motion with his own free hand as the elevator stops.]
[Again he's taken aback with how wonderful it feels to be standing in the light of Karen's attention. Her words are real and honest. Not pacification.]
...Would you believe me if I told you that's one of the reasons why I'm enlisting?
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I feel that. You think you know yourself and the world, shit keeps changing.
[Vermont she says.]
...you talk like you've left for good.
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There's nothing left for me there. They made sure I knew that...
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[Spoken with full admiration.]
Going out and finding your own way.
[They don't have to rush. The pace is steady enough.]
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I don't feel ballsy.
[ Sometimes, when she focuses on it too much or for too long, she wonders if she had been cowardly in leaving. ]
Pretty sure the guy going into the Marines is ballsier out of the two of us.
[ Because she knows she could never do that herself. ]
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[Moving away from all you know flat out with no support or defense. He feels like that would be something he could never do.]
You went and got out for yourself. Not so many people could or would at any age.
[The situation is still unclear and he doesn't wish to tread directly on her heart. Sorta has been enough for this evening.]
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Thank you.
[ It's only something she's heard from Colleen and Misty so far, not having really told anyone else about it. It was... genuinely comforting to hear it from someone like Frank. Someone that she had written off completely and was so sure he would never understand let alone know about what happened. ]
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How come you're so hard on yourself, Karen?
[Getting out and into the world, going to school and working on making a life for herself. Regardless of where they go from here, what they do, Frank's concern and care for her is real.]
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[ She breathed it out with a half laugh, only half joking, and knowing she half believed it. ]
One of those things where... maybe I deserve to have it hard. Which just sounds really pathetic when I say it out loud...
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...I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you don't deserve to suffer.
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You don't know the whole story.
[ And even more than that, she's not sure she can tell it all. Saying it all out loud has never been easy and there's the irrational fear that if she does, everything will fall apart and she will fall with it. ]
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I'd like to sometime.
[Another squeeze of her hand.]
This is me over here.
[His place. The apartment complex is not exactly a brownstone. Still well kept. He leads Karen up the steps and punches in the keycode to unlock the door to the small lobby.]
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Guilt is so insidious like that. She only marginally realizes how much it has warped her thinking of herself and of how Frank will react to it.
Karen remains silent as they enter the lobby, eyes going from the building to the floor to looking back up again. Different from hers but not in a bad way. ]
Do you have any roommates?
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No. This is the place I was telling you about.
[In the family and helping with the maintenance. He rings for the elevator.]
....we can still take the stairs. If you want.
[His legs kind of hate him. His whole body really. Constant training. Going out and being normal was the idea originally. Whelp.]
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No, it's fine.
[ She finally looks back at him again and, under this light, ]
You look tired.
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Yeah? Just been--been doing a lot. This has been my first night out in awhile.
[The elevator dings and he gently pulls her in.]
I've never been a guy for parties.
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Going along with the pull, ]
What are you a guy for? You can't train all the time.
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...Music. But you knew that.
[And it makes him smile to think about it.]
I also like to read.
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Think I knew that, too.
[ She smiles a little, thinking about their conversation at the restaurant. ]
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...I'm afraid to admit that I'm not terribly complicated. What you see is what you get. No hidden agenda. Not much of anything, Karen. Just--[he breathes in for a sigh, grasping for words. When you recite poems or prose it's easy to borrow. Nothing he can think of works here.] I dunno. Trying.
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Selling yourself pretty short there. "Not much of anything"?
[ She shakes her head. She doesn't buy that any more than he had bought the lines she had tried to feed him a few days ago. ]
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[So he'll try again. Frank studies the floor of the elevator. The marble finish isn't real.]
These days I feel more like a work in progress as a person. There's so much I could do and be. Right now I'm still loose ends.
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[ She feels more like a single thread than a loose end. But she remembers what it was like to feel the same way. Or like something was torn at the other end.
She moves forward and closes the distance to use her free arm to wrap around him, pull him into a hug. It's the least she can do after what he did for her earlier. ]
But that doesn't mean there isn't much there. It's just... still forming.
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Her embrace catches him a little by surprise and he returns the motion with his own free hand as the elevator stops.]
Thank you. Just...frustrating you know?
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[ She gives his shoulders a squeeze before moving away as the doors open. ]
Even when I try to push through it. Doesn't always feel like it's working.
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...Would you believe me if I told you that's one of the reasons why I'm enlisting?
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