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hit me with your best shot ❢ meme continuations ❢ aus ❢ idek

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[ She stops long enough to look down at him where he sits, feeling like she's punched in the chest when she already knows the response to that: ]

Not when I'm too selfish for a person like you.

[ Because that's ultimately what it was, wasn't it? Not just a fear of attachment and loss but a selfish desire to not be hurt by any of the bad that could come with the good. So she forsakes even the good. ]

Good luck with the Marines.

[ And she's turning to leave. ]

[endlesswar]

Wait.

[Because that's too much to process all at once. Frank stands and his chair makes an awful noise as it scrapes. Just wants to be sure there's enough space to clear the area to her way without flipping the table or the chairs.]

Karen, wait. It doesn't have to go down like this. I get it, you don't want to be strung along or kept waiting.

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[ She stops without really knowing why. She should just keep walking. She turns halfway back towards him, ]

Do you get it?

[ Because being kept waiting was only a portion of it, from where she's standing. ]

[endlesswar]

Say I pass bootcamp. Say I enlist and serve a tour or two, does that mean I can't look you up when I'm back on home soil?

[No long distance. Just. Catching up. He has his eyes fixed on her, while he would love to scoop her up into his arms or at least reach out to touch her it seems too aggressive. A girl isn't your girl no matter how deeply you feel it. There's a whole consent shit.]

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[ Her chest hurts, hearing how he says it like that. Like it's all just that simple. She can't even look at him. This is all edging into something way too personal and she refuses to go into it in a coffee shop of all places. ]

Because nothing bad ever happens on tours of duty.

[endlesswar]

Things go bad. You're right. And I'm not gonna hold my breath so I'm asking for your permission. Say I make it back. Can I look you up?

[God above he would if only out of spite. Now it's like a challenge. Yeah, he will pass bootcamp. And he will serve. Then he'll come back and see what Karen Page is up to.]

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[ She feels a pressure build in her eyes and just like that, it's all too much. Like a crack suddenly getting too big and the wall around it breaks.

Say I make it back.

She wants to ask, demand to know what if he doesn't make it back? Did he ever consider that maybe his desire to serve could affect more than just him? She bites down on her bottom lip before she's shaking her head and moving towards the door, her voice breaking. ]

I can't do this.

[ She moves faster this time, no intent of slowing down. Any other guy, she's managed to move on without incident, without hardly any feeling of regret. Here, with Frank, it feels like she's stomping on her own heart. ]

[endlesswar]

[See, you sort of think about stuff like dying in the battlefield ahead of time. It's what's on everyone's minds. It's something parents put into prayers. Frank knows that there is a risk. Life is about risks. If he's not trying, daring or anything, is he really living?

Though fuck if any risk that doesn't pay off hurt. It hurts to watch her head turn away. It hurts to be left standing there at the coffee shop. No mug or brew is big or dark enough to bury himself into. That doesn't stop him from trying.

He gets dragged, yes dragged to a club a few days later. Friends want him to cheer up. Get out in the world. Dance. Drink.]

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[ Karen ends up getting dragged to the same place after spending the next few days alternating between holing herself up in her room to work on school or play music loudly while she cried. Not just over Frank and the "what ifs" but feeling everything from her past coming back to bite her in the ass.

She feels pretty empty by the time Misty and Colleen are telling her she needs to get out for some fresh air and alcohol.

She doesn't really put up much of a fight and that actually has them more concerned. She sits at the bar, nursing her drink. She doesn't really look at anyone and refuses any offer to dance. She doesn't notice Frank is at the same bar until Colleen exclaims with a "holy shit I can't believe it". Karen looks over and feels her stomach drop. Misty is quick to lean over in front of her field of sight, telling her, "Just don't look at him. He's not even there." ]

[endlesswar]

[He's here. The music is louder than he enjoys. And the beer in his hand is getting downed slowly. Nothing crazy. Just trying to appease the friends. Look. There he is. Though it's an exercise in futility. Going through the motions in everything but socializing. He can't do that yet. Just drinking and swaying a little bit. He misses the stares and is wholly oblivious.

Why did he agree to come? Oh. Friends. The ones that are trying to shove him toward girls sitting together.]

I'm okay. Nah. Let's leave them alone, okay?

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[ Eventually, Colleen gets dragged away by Danny and Karen can see Misty eyeing someone else in the bar and she nudges her to go dance. Telling her she doesn't need to babysit her, she's fine like this.

Misty relents after a lot of hesitation and Karen does her best to keep her eyes in her drink, sighing heavily when she hears one of her favorite songs come on. She sighs again and says to herself before taking a long shot from her drink. ]

Good fucking job, Page.

[endlesswar]

[Big songs always kind clear the bar as everyone gets to the dance floor. Frank stays put, another long pull from his beer as he contemplates going home. He turns, looking for his companions and then, of course, as fate would have it. He sees none other than Karen Page. Alone. Pretty as a picture. He stays fixed in place. Going over there is not going to lead anywhere he hasn't been. Still he has to wonder if one more night or one more conversation would make a difference.

Staying still and wondering never got anyone anything.]

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[ She finishes off her drink and orders another one by the time he comes over, pressing her chin and mouth into her hand as she leans heavily on the bartop.

She doesn't notice him until he's right beside her, too stuck in her own head (again). But her hand drops onto the bartop and she almost laughs. Both at her fucking luck and at his persistence. ]

...you don't give up, do you?

[endlesswar]

Hello to you too.

[He doesn't sit beside her, no. He leans on the bar with his own drink in his hand.]

Not like I followed you here or anything.

[With friends like her's she would know immediately.]

You're not enjoying the night.

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I don't usually come to places like this.

[ Not anymore. Her and her brother had wanted to when they were both in high school and wanting more freedom. Now, she was just here because her friends wanted to distract her and it was more to appease them. ]

[endlesswar]

[Seems like she might. At least the image of a more jovial Karen would. Seeing her like this, deflated, possibly defeated. Just doesn't seem right.]

D'you need someone to take you home? There are plenty of taxis at this hour.

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[ She shakes her head, jaw clenching slightly as she's willing herself to remain as aloof as possible. Her new drink is set in front of her and she picks it up almost immediately, ]

You don't have to worry about me, Frank.

[endlesswar]

Yeah. I know. I'm just reminding you that you don't have to be miserable.

[At least in this circumstance. He takes a drink.]

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[ She shakes her head again, smiling in a way that holds little actual amusement. ]

Pretty sure I'm destined for it at this point.

[ She takes another swallow from her glass. Maybe she's just meant to be miserable. Maybe it really had been her fault and she's just been running from it the whole time. ]

[endlesswar]

You? [Frank shakes his head.] I don't believe it. And neither should you.

[This is not how it should be for her. For him? Frank can't rightly say. She's got big ambition and principles.]

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You don't know me well enough to say that.

[ That and he shouldn't be trying to make her feel better when she's rejected him. ]

[endlesswar]

I've seen enough to know that you've got a drive. And while you might not believe it, I think you have a good heart.

[One that she's trying to protect. Frank can see that much. As much as it hurts.]

No games here. Go on home.

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Oh, so now you get to tell me what to do?

[ She's going to stay and drink until she can't feel any of that heart anymore, tyvm. ]

[endlesswar]

[He pushes off the bar like he's going to stand upright and walk away. No. Instead he just looks at her, really looks at her. The mood lighting makes strands of gold go blue, red and purple. Candlelight of a cozy Italian joint suits her better. Or sunlight through the trees.

Why are they like this?]

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[ She looks over at him when he doesn't just walk away and it unnerves her the way he just looks at her like that. She can feel that pressure building behind her eyes again.

Goddammit. ]

Why do you care?

[ Her voice breaks and she can only hope the music around them covered that up. ]