paged | ❢ open rp ❢

You still play really well.

[ And he did. It's part of why she wishes he would focus more on that than eventually ending up in some war zone. But she's already accepted her way of thinking is more selfish than his. ]

We all gotta have hobbies. Thank you all the same.

[Not expecting that compliment. The way it sits out of place in this really does have a nagging thought.]

I know you're busy. Can we get coffee some time? Between classes?

[ Already she feels guilt twisting in her stomach. She really did like him. ]

Sure. If you want.

[ Even when she knows she shouldn't be agreeing to it at all. ]

If you want.

[He's the one asking.]

Look, did I say or do something to upset you?

No! You didn't.

[ And she means that. It's not anything he said. What he's doing isn't even bad it's... it's her. She knows it is. It's why she stops and finally turns to look at him. ]

It's not you... It's me, okay? I know that sounds like it's a cop-out but it's not. You didn't do anything wrong.

[Standing still now to just look at one another Frank's body feels sore and feels like there aren't enough words to express how it feels to stand there wondering what would be the best way to say that he can't get her off of his mind?]

Just...let me know whenever is good for you. Okay?

[Whenever it is they can really talk.]

[ She nods, feeling a pain in her chest. This hurts far more than any of the other times she's let a guy down -- or tried to. ]

I gotta go. Stay hydrated, okay?

[ And with that she's walking off again, adjusting the strap of her bag on her shoulder as she goes. ]

[At this point he stops trying to keep up and stays still. And there is a small wave too.]

Thanks. Yeah. See you around.

[Though who can say how long it will be this time? Frank has only two weeks left before bootcamp. And that'll be six months. From there? Who knows. He hopes to pass in the ranks. He also hopes that he'll see Karen Page sooner than later.]

[ It'll be about two more days before Colleen will wave at Frank when she spots him on one of his runs. She'll jog over and hand him a note, saying it was from Karen. She doesn't give him any more info than that, saying she's got to head over to her own class.

The note is a simple one that tells him to meet her at the campus' coffee shop tomorrow afternoon, around 2.

She'll be there before him, knowing she needs to get this over with sooner rather than later. She doesn't need him waiting around for her when he could be making some other girl lucky.

(Even if the very thought already makes something in her twist sharply, painfully. Does she really have any right to feel that way when they aren't together?) ]

[A surprise still. And when he actually finds that she's going to meet him some of the uneasiness has settled. Frank arrives just a little early. This time he's not dripping in sweat or shirtless. Just a collared shirt and jeans.]

Hey.

[Taking the seat opposite of her. Did she already get herself a drink?]

[ She already had a cup of coffee, got a bottle of juice to take with her once her break was over. It's why she picked the time she did. She tries to give him a smile but it's a weak one. ]

Hey.

Thanks for coming.

[ Because she wouldn't have been surprised if he had just decided to blow her off. No one likes being rejected. ]

[Seeing as she's raring to go, he'll get his after. Whatever this means. So Frank folds his hands on the table.]

Thanks for seeing me. I know you're swamped.

[Or so it seems. Frank is going to take it for what it is.]

[ She gives a nod and sets her own hands in her lap, trying not to fidget. It's never been this difficult before. To let a guy down. ]

Look, I'm--I'm sorry if I've led you on or anything. I just... I can't do long-distance relationships if that's what you were wanting.

[ She looks back up at him, ]

You should be focusing on other girls. Not... someone like me.

Is that what this is about?

[The space and now a rush to let him know what's what? Frank clears his throat and adjusts in his seat.]

You'd already made up your mind. [Not a question. An observation.] I just--I just didn't have an expectations then seeing you a time or two, Karen. I think that you're special and we have a connection. Is that not even worth being friends to you?

[ "Friends". Because it always stays that way, right? She knows immediately it won't. And if she doesn't want to get even more attached, she can't even allow herself that much. Not with this guy.

And maybe a part of her was angry he was calling her out on having already made up her mind. He wasn't wrong; she had done that the night of their date. But she had her reasons and this was already hard enough on its own without him calling her out on it.

Her voice gets harder for it. ]

No, I don't think we can be friends.

[Maybe. Maybe not. He does genuinely admire her mind and yeah, she's also beautiful. Keeping in contact is the main objective. Or at least it would have been.]

...okay.

[Because that goes two ways.]

So we're just supposed to part ways like that?

You said it yourself: I've already made up my mind.

[ She grabs her bottle as she gets up, pushing her chair away from the table. The anger in her own tone starting to become more prominent even when she had no right to be angry at him. He's right. But she still feels the anger towards him anyway. ]

Yeah. And I also think you're incredibly smart. And ballsy as hell. And I'm sure that both of these things don't cancel out the fact that you're a human being that can change their mind.

[He hasn't stood up yet. Frankly, he's just surprised at the sudden turn of it all. There was a ray of hope. Maybe? How can he just pack up the same way she does?]

[ She stops long enough to look down at him where he sits, feeling like she's punched in the chest when she already knows the response to that: ]

Not when I'm too selfish for a person like you.

[ Because that's ultimately what it was, wasn't it? Not just a fear of attachment and loss but a selfish desire to not be hurt by any of the bad that could come with the good. So she forsakes even the good. ]

Good luck with the Marines.

[ And she's turning to leave. ]

Wait.

[Because that's too much to process all at once. Frank stands and his chair makes an awful noise as it scrapes. Just wants to be sure there's enough space to clear the area to her way without flipping the table or the chairs.]

Karen, wait. It doesn't have to go down like this. I get it, you don't want to be strung along or kept waiting.

[ She stops without really knowing why. She should just keep walking. She turns halfway back towards him, ]

Do you get it?

[ Because being kept waiting was only a portion of it, from where she's standing. ]

Say I pass bootcamp. Say I enlist and serve a tour or two, does that mean I can't look you up when I'm back on home soil?

[No long distance. Just. Catching up. He has his eyes fixed on her, while he would love to scoop her up into his arms or at least reach out to touch her it seems too aggressive. A girl isn't your girl no matter how deeply you feel it. There's a whole consent shit.]

[ Her chest hurts, hearing how he says it like that. Like it's all just that simple. She can't even look at him. This is all edging into something way too personal and she refuses to go into it in a coffee shop of all places. ]

Because nothing bad ever happens on tours of duty.

Things go bad. You're right. And I'm not gonna hold my breath so I'm asking for your permission. Say I make it back. Can I look you up?

[God above he would if only out of spite. Now it's like a challenge. Yeah, he will pass bootcamp. And he will serve. Then he'll come back and see what Karen Page is up to.]

[ She feels a pressure build in her eyes and just like that, it's all too much. Like a crack suddenly getting too big and the wall around it breaks.

Say I make it back.

She wants to ask, demand to know what if he doesn't make it back? Did he ever consider that maybe his desire to serve could affect more than just him? She bites down on her bottom lip before she's shaking her head and moving towards the door, her voice breaking. ]

I can't do this.

[ She moves faster this time, no intent of slowing down. Any other guy, she's managed to move on without incident, without hardly any feeling of regret. Here, with Frank, it feels like she's stomping on her own heart. ]

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